1/2 way thru the first month

So nothing, noteworthy, has happened recently to back up my theory that this year is out to get me. R says: Maybe it’s not us, maybe it just the people around us. And what, we’re just the axis?
Okay, maybe it isn’t us. Maybe those around us have pissed off Karma. And while I really do say (almost insist) that I am the center of everything: The world revolves around me*, maybe I’ll let this one thing go.

My mom is still trying to deal with her brother’s death: Stress manifesting as physical ailments, regrets and memories bubbling up for visitation, but no crying. My sister and I take turns calling her and just letting her babble on**. But I don’t know what to say. I’ve never lost a sibling or a parent. I’ve lost pets and friends, but that hole is smaller than what, I imagine, is left by losing someone after a lifetime. As for me, I suppose I haven’t grieved either. Maybe I just haven’t found the thing to grieve yet. His absence from my life was already established. He had already become a never aging man I knew in memory and then he just slipped away.



*Once I realized if I was responsible for everything that went wrong I decided that must mean I was responsible for everything that went right. I know, a little creepy in that “She thinks she’s a deity. She shall surly be struck down” kind of way, but I’m too much of a smart ass for any higher power to take it remotely serious. Right?

** This is a woman for whom a short conversation has always been at least an hour