you only remind me of what I've missed, but from here I can see everything

In less than a year I have to make changes for my health, in less than 4 months I'll be married, in less than 2 weeks I’ll be driving for 10 hours and spending time with 8 in laws, in less than a week I'll be 5 years older than my mom was when she had her first kid, in less than a day I'll (hopefully) be in giggly possession of a (ridiculously, if your over 30, hard to find) substance.
Funny how in times of stress I tend to revert to old behavior, usually only to wake up the next day thinking Well, why didn't I do that sooner. Because for a few hours I get to be calm and irresponsible. The brain stops weaving it's little traps, making its little lists, running over details, ironing and pressing responsibilities, nit-picking at career, dusting old issues, stirring the pot.
Oh, it's on. It’s always on.
Read a book: Hmmm, that’s familiar behavior from the protagonist, or Ohhh, look I'm learning something, now apply that to your life, common get moving. Play with the dog: Why is my posture so bad, how much time will I have to make dinner, how do you make layers in a website. Cook: Well that needs to be cleaned; maybe this is why my mother was so crazy. Take a bath: I wonder if this is kind of what schizophrenics deal with. Shut-up, shut-up, SHUT-UP! At least it’s mostly in my own voice.
I don’t even get much of a break from it when I sleep. I have vivid dreams. Sometimes I control them, sometimes I “observe” and analyze pausing and rewinding holding class in my head even if I am a character in the dream.

R and I need a vacation. First it was the hunting and mortgage and move, then it was the family and wedding and location, and there is always job and visitors (bio-burlesq and 3am trips to the southside) and accidents. But that's a whole other story
No wonder we keep thinking Amsterdam.