Wedding day

August 8
Surface of the Sun

Ramrod shows up to my parent’s house to do momma’s, sister’s, and my hair. Horrified as my mom, unable to remove herself from all conversations, reenters the living room to shave her legs, can’t work the razor, cant see the hairs due to lighting… and then my sister has to shave her legs for her.

We 3 girls go over to the house where the wedding will take place. Step mom needs our help, but not really, she just wants attention and we really need to get dressed. “Photos at 4 you know” and she freaks out, panic in her eyes. OMG why so early (a whole 2 hours). I remind her this was planned out when the photographer came over to view the space and discuss what we wanted weeks ago. She asks our opinion on which dress to wear and, in universal agreement, we give it. (later we will see her in the one we didn’t pick).

R’s brother continues to teasingly tell me he’s going to put “I am probably in a unique position, possibly being the only one here tonight who has been in a bathtub with both the Bride and Groom”. (uh, keep up people. He and I use to date).

I take Ramrod on a tour of the house. The old doctors office turned apartments, and back to original turn-o-the century household glory. My first apartment and where we had our high school graduation party. At 17 who could resist the reception desk in the living room, the haunted dirt basement, and the lure of a locked… “Drug closet”. Needless to say I picked that lock quickly after being told what it was and we had wondrous and dangerous times in college (how many decades before drugs mutate?). It’s now a pantry, and “No Ramrod, you are not allowed to even MENTION it to anyone”

The signs to be put up say “The {R’s last name} wedding →” And Ramrod jokingly asks how many other weddings there are going to be in the backyard (more defensive insanity ensues).

Step mom tells soon-to-be sister in law that the other mothers are “dressed so old” (in their dresses and jackets) and perhaps she is “overdressed” (in her silk sarong-ish skirt and tee-top). Ramrod pipes up “I NEVER feel over dressed” and informs me the love affair must be over after the look she got for that comment.

Pictures outside… on the surface of the sun. Mmmm, is that bride sweat your wearing? Why, yes it is!

I am forced to “hide” upstairs the ‘ol jack-in-the box “Surprise a BRIDE” while the guests gather and have fun.

The unrehearsed procession* ends with us standing off the flagstone in the grass. I spend the entire time standing on tip-toes because if my heals sink in I’m convinced I’ll turn too fast and trip myself. The 5 minute ceremony takes a little longer. I thought it was just I do and I do and out. Nope apparently there is this whole “repeat after me” part. Soon, R’s chin is a quiver and his eyes are welling and he will not stop this rhythmic rubbing of the back of my hands with his thumbs. I am overcome by how much this moment has moved him and I begin to see blurry. What, am I gonna pass out? Blink, blink, nope just got a little emotion in my eye. By now my legs are shaking from standing on tip-toes and with my own quivery voice I repeat and woosh, we practically skip back down the isle.

*my parents walked me down and between telling my blind father to “step up” and chiding my mother about something there is not one picture where I am not sneering going down the isle.

Step mom follows us inside demanding we return for the Champaign toast. I insist we deal with the legality of ACTUALLY making this thing legal first.

R’s brother DOES use the phrase “I am probably in a unique position, possibly being the only one here tonight who has…” and the pictures of my face are priceless.

We make the rounds, don’t eat, don’t get drunk. And linger apparently too long with 5 friends as by 10pm Step mom has changed into her jammies and is sitting on the stoop glaring at us.

Depart. Stop at Wal-marts for some booze and check into our swan-ky hotel room.

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The morning after, brunch.

Really only 2 things to report. I guess I told Ramrod an hour later than the brunch was and my mother throws a SCREAMING fit, twice, and I literally have to take her out to her car for a time out. How embarrassing.

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Stay tuned for the reception...