Oh look, its a computer screen again.
I have to apologize but this is part of the reason I don't post often. Spend all day typing up legal documents and you might resent the screen too. Part of it is I type r-e-a-l-l-y slooowly. and I've tried to improve but I'm out of practice now and it is painful. My hands actually hurt. It doesn't help that my desk is too high and the chair well is too low, but that is beside the point. I guess this post is mostly complaining so far so I feel I should change that and focus on the positives. I'm good at hiding behind positivity.

I had a little heartbreaking experience recently and spent a day trying to convince my self it didn't matter. The same universal problem of need for acceptance and fear of betrayal. The problem was it did matter. When you let yourself care for people you care how they perceive you. But I'm a "good little actress" and I have to get over it. As I was told in 3rd grade "girls are mean and you just have to learn how to take it if you want to be their friends" The girl (my "friend") who told me that was a well -liked, -adjusted, -to do girl and obviously I took it to heart. You believe the people you look up to (we would all do well to remember that).
But then there are friends like the ones I hung out with last weekend. They just make me feel better. Even when they tell me past judgments of me, I truly find them endearing. "When I first met you I thought you were a bitch" so and so said she thought you were a hippie. Sure those things (to me) are a bit of a compliment. But I think in the revealing of those things there is a comfort, a closeness. I am comfortable enough around you to tell you the truth.
I admit I have said things about people behind their back, but I never said anything I wasn't willing to (and often did) say to their face. Isn't that what friends are? Wouldn't you tell your friend they had something green in their teeth? Wouldn't you tell them they were being: taken in, drunk, stupid? Aren't we past laughing at people; with toilet paper stuck to them, skirts tucked into pantyhose, rambling on inanely about some politician but never attributing it to the right person, and still calling them friends? Don't friends stop friends?
If they don't, most likely they never were friends anyway.
And I'd rathar be a friend than a pet any day.