Based on the worst article ever written

The Evil Empire has managed to combine several of the worst things in the world creating a device to destroy parents and passers by. The Evil Empire (EE) does not expect the venture to be profitable at first. But they have taken on ventures before that they knew would fail (they needed the tax write off). Spokes persons for Satan (AKA the enemy of good, the lord of evil, the tempter of human beings and the leader of the fallen angels) said the old man would be taking the helm on this one. Rumors have it that a particularly slow day in the misery department Satan had clapped his hands together (more mischievously than evilly) and given birth to the idea. Spokes persons for the EE denied these allegations stating "I think this has come about because every 7 year old needs a cell phone and every parent wants it to play It's A Small World After All."