recompensing victims of holiday letters

I've been getting the "Yearly Newsletter" from co-workers in Christmas cards. While some of them do offer clever "kids say the darnedest things" I have to say, mostly I find them boring. Here are people I barely know, sharing things about their year that I couldn't possibly have interest in (being that I am self centered) spending extra postage to jam oddly folded pages and pages into card shaped envelopes and they aren't even TRYING to be entertaining.

The very least I can do is reciprocate.
I'll try to keep the boring stuff to a minimum.

This year was my first year of married life. My first year of answering every variety of "How's married life?". After the first 40 times, I stopped trying to think of clever responses for "It's no different" and went straight for the small talk ending responses. "The insurance pay off makes it all worth it."

We went to Spain this year with the in-laws, and rather than share to much information (like some people did and do) I'll reduce it down to: My father in-law implying I was a fat lush and then (after he had made the realization) he tried to take my last bit of bourbon.
He recovered nicely and still has (most of) his hand.

I made it to New York twice. The MET roof wine bar in spring and East Village Thanksgiving. I got a new hair do and Sue tried to kill me with a smoothy, but she got the food poisoning too so I guess we're even.
And speaking of Sue...(I love it when the letters run off about someone that isn't a member of the family and so you are even less likely to know them)... Sue ran the Chicago marathon again this year and I still have the crutches in my closet to prove it.

This was also the first year my father has lived alone since college (I'm guessing). He ran away from home in 2003. Quit his job, retired for a week, got a job in another state and left my mother, the dogs, most of his crap and moved in with my sister. But she kicked him out when she got a boyfriend. Then Daddy moved to an even farther away state and hasn't been seen since last year. I think he's happy. For Christmas he sent checks to Momma, Kendall, her man (Jason) and my man (Josh). Hmmm, missing anyone?

Christmas is always chaotic. So many places so little time. Between the 3 households it is hard to do all the visiting, eating, unwrapping and chores (the reupholstered dining room chairs look quite nice even if I do say so myself). Still, we managed to make it to Walgreens for our customary Christmas tradition of filling our stockings. We actually did it on Christmas eve with the idea that Target would be a lovely change. We entered and were told we had 5 minutes. I thought it was like supermarket sweep where you get as much as possible in the time allowed. The security people didn't understand that there had been miscommunication between my contest idea and their being home for Christmas eve idea. So we left and went to Walmart, also closing. I think we have started a new tradition that may involve breaking into stores on Christmas eve.
Then back home for some Hors D’Oeuvers while opening gifts. I reached for a slice of cucumber on the Crudité and discovered it was not there. Interrogation revealed that Jason had eaten all the cucumber off the tray. And that my friends was a mistake which lead to a loud "well Fuck you" from my mother and a raised level of debate between the 2 of them finally ending in an awkward dinner.

The animals are all still hanging in there. Our little death row menagerie is as cute as ever. Josh and I both busy and still have jobs (and in this economy that means something), still paying off our mortgages, and are thinking about kidnapping our downstairs neighbors maid.

I really can't think of anything else that should be in this letter, so in closing and in the spirit of the season...

Merry Christmas... Well, Fuck You