Amazon emails

So I get an email from Amazon yesterday. Subject line:

A Gift Has Been Purchased from Your Amazon Baby Registry.

A Baby Registry gift will be arriving soon! We thought you might like to know that an item was recently purchased from your Amazon.com Baby Registry. If you can't wait to know what it is and who it's from, and want to send a thank-you note, visit your Thank-You List . All necessary details are available, including the gift-giver's address.

Congratulations and Best Wishes,
Your friends at Amazon.com's Baby Registry

Whaa? Is there something Amazon and I need to talk about. Something R needs to tell me?
I double check, sure enough I'm still not pregnant and don't have a baby registry. But now I'm really wondering what it is.

Today I get another email from Amazon, subject: Recent E-mails from Amazon.com
So it was a mistake.

Greetings from Amazon.com.

We're contacting you about the e-mail message we mistakenly sent to
you indicating that an item was purchased from your baby registry;
this message was sent to you in error. We intended to send you an
e-mail regarding your Amazon Wedding Registry, but the text of the
message was incorrect. Please watch for a message regarding your
Amazon Wedding Registry in the next day or two.

We apologize for any confusion this may have caused. We are looking
into this matter and we are taking steps to prevent this from
happening again.

Wait. I don't have a wedding registry either.
I wonder what it is.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 , and Golf Clubs 4.1. (and NASCAR 500.0)

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate

-------------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'I Thought You
Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the
Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should
then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,
Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

If family were professors

Or what happens when your sis-n-law says she thinks the 3 men in the family missed their calling as professors.

Prof. Ol' man B: Beloved by his students for never staying on topic long enough to have time for tests. Cons: Never win an argument, never get out of joining him in "one last drink"
American History, Useless Factoids: The Rain in Spain and the improbability of 76 trombones,
Misguided Politics: You maybe wrong and An Economist I'm not.
Project Pacing: Wood working, Home and car restoration "Before Death"

Prof. Grizzly Adams B: Sometimes students can't find their class as he prefers the coffee shop, park or pub as the ideal writing environment. Cons: will often rant at you in soft mumbly tones and has been known to feed particularly bad stories to a goat in on his self sufficient organic co-op/ Pirate farm managed by his lovely wife.
Writing: Fiction, Prose, Logogram
Cooking: What you dont know about your Grill and How to talk to your Kitchen
Environmental Science: bad stories make good compost

Prof. Techno-snob B: Can be sidetracked by most anything shiny and new or antiquated and still running, uses a system of demerits where everyone starts out in the hole, hosts a geek-fest every other thursday in his home where his lovely wife encourages students to get blotto or receive additional demerits.
Cons: Pre Req for all classes. Will insist you have a well thought out researched "In case of Zombie Apocalypse" strategy.
Theory of applied Code: How to make it apply to everything
Cinematography: Science Fiction and Horror, Seriously some of it's good.
Interactive Fiction: it's the code that counts

Imagine having all three nutty professors in your course list - if you survive you get bonus classes from Dr. Mrs. Not-a-Birk in Politics: Why You Should Hate Hillary and Craft Fairs of the Southwest.

My brush with Texas

Hi, I’m back. And work has swallowed me whole again.
Fortunately I missed the 20 below temps of the weekend by going to a chilly San Antonio. Rainy and chilly but still better than windy and freezing. I have a new respect for my bosses with their business dinners. Everytime I went out to eat I had to take meetings with catering, concierge, and upper management. I only got 1 hot meal (and the venison was wonderful).
In 2 days I took in 4 meetings and 6 site visits. Everything is walkable, if you like to walk in circles for miles, and since there is a noticeable lack of cabs that’s a good thing, unless you are trying to make meetings back to back. If you don’t mind missing the fine tourist traps like Lone Star Mercantile Gift Shop (which also boasts live wild west shows, rattle snake rattles and livestock oddities), the 5 and Dime or Walgreen… yes before they went all plural, on the street level the River Walk is lovely and less windy. R and I wandered up and down it several times. Parts of it are very touristy, full of shops and restaurants on top of restaurants and tourists. And some branches are quiet and peaceful. But enough about work. Lets just say it involved a lot of walking, a lot of cold food and I was VERY grateful for the complimentary wine each hotels sent up to my room.
We had dinners and lunches in lovely places but I can’t help but wonder about the dress code. There seems to be the oddest Texan trend to wear really furry and warm high healed boots and tiny tiny skirts. I’m not kidding, at one dinner a girl used 2 napkins for coverage when she was sitting. And we still got the full show. This was everywhere. Furry boots and tiny skirts. Tassels from the knee to the toe, much longer than the skirts. Fur fluffed boots and ...Was that a tuft peeking out of her skirt too? Even the modest girl I saw wearing boots, leggings and a thigh-high sweater, I was surprised to discover (as she pulled at her sweaters upward creeping direction) her leggings didn’t go all the way up. R and I spent quite some time trying to understand this phenomenon. If you feet are extra toasty then your legs are too warm? You need the short skirt to keep cool?
I finally decided they must suffer from some hot coochie syndrome. Really, you should see a doctor, not just adjust your wardrobe.
We went to the Alamo. It’s got a great courtyard now (love what they’ve done with the place) with huge ancient trees. Inside the chapel we over heard the tour guide telling how the soldiers had carved their names into the walls, which was exciting to see in a chilling way (I was a little surprised that “Amy hearts Bobby” altho’ I already knew from my history that Commander “Travis Wuz” there). Most people are surprised by how small it is, not me. I was surprised by how in the middle of town it was. I know, I know the forts are the center of the community that springs up but I’ve just never really seen it in a modern day setting (across the street from a Ripley's ( Believe It Or Not!).
We also went to see the Spanish Governors House. It was a little hard to find. First we mistook a hotel for it, then a municipal building, and almost walked past the tiny structure known as a "palace”. Ok, maybe for 1722 it was, but wedged in between the Department of Human Services and the courthouse parking lot we might never have seen it if not for the wrought iron fence (next to some construction) around part of its garden.
Needless to say it wasn’t crowded. The tiny rooms and period furniture really take you back in time to those black and white Zorro movies. I kept looking for the “Z” but the only carving I found there was the front door, which is still the front door. It is a picture story representing the Spanish trip, how they got here, the dangerous dragons they encountered, who they met, etc. I couldn’t follow it too well but there was a striking resemblance to Montezuma on one of the panels.