What the f' was that?

I understand fights. I grew up with fights and arguments and disagreements. But I thought you resolved things by, well fighting.
I didn't have a lot of fights with my friends as a youth. My sister and I fought a lot, but almost never silently. Now that I'm an adult I have had 2 of my friends mad at me. Both have responded in the same way by NOT saying a word. I only find out we've been fighting much later. One of my friends, who lived far away, told me 5 months later that she was mad, had been avoiding my calls, and I had offended her. I was crushed. I thought everything was fine. She and I would often go for months without actually speaking. How was I supposed to know?
This time it only lasted 15 days. I thought it was odd that she didn't get back to me after I gave her the Baseball tickets, or return my call when I told her I had brought back a gift when I was out of town, or when she didn't respond to my smartass texts, or when I left messages telling her I was really worried about her because I hadn't heard from her in a while. Turns out she's mad at me... because of 2nd hand information?

Ah well. What can I do? If there is no one to talk to about it, there will be no resolution.
But I get to feel really, really bad... and Hey, I visit my sister this weekend too, so that will be fun.

Here is another installation of crazy letters.

I guess I need to explain to you how much I don't appreciate hearing
comments that I can only take as judgmental and snide (going on past
statements and actions on your part) from your sister. I am really disappointed that you seem to take pleasure in judging me when I am going through one of the toughest times in my life. To hand it back to you, I really don't think you are in a place to pass judgment on who people love.
I am sorry my behavior doesn't meet your standards, but you have judged and embarrassed me enough. Let's remember you once sat one Dave's lap and started to unbutton his shirt right in front of me once...but he's an asshole!

"You live in a Zoo..."

I had a great birthday weekend. We took Goethe with us to the park and played a game of *Bocci (and I was losing badly) when 2 guys left their football game and asked if we wanted competition. So we played teams, us against them, which was better because then I didn’t have to lose alone. The length of the field changed as the jack changed hands. Taking short breaks as people wandered through our game pondering over the lonely bocce ball that had rolled far a field. At one point one of our longer games ended up close to another game going on in the field, and there was a moment humorous confusion. It ended up being a close game and we would have done a rematch but we had by then it was already 3pm and we still hadn’t eaten all day, not to mention the dehydrated dog. Then Dinner and a movie.

*I assume when talking about the game I should use Bocci [Bocci (plural), Bocce (singular)]. No one plays “checker”.

The next day (over 75 degrees) we all went for a walk to get lunch, unfortunately we didn’t know it was a Cubs game so we couldn’t go very far in any direction without hitting a huge wall of people. We just wanted a to-go or a sidewalk café where we could eat with our dog. West, North, South-west we wandered turning down streets away from masses of people. We passed a fire station that was running a slow hydrant-sprinkle into a bucket for water on the sidewalk. It looked clean enough I’d (almost) drink it and Goethe was thirsty but we didn’t know the protocol and she went up to the tall thing which was not her bowl and looked at it and then me, I told her “Okay”, but she must have decided protocol was that I should dip in and fetch some out for her to drink from my bowled hands. I must say that was awfully considerate of others who might want the water too.
Later, more Bocci followed by a 3 hour war movie we had been putting off, dinner, and a few rounds of computer golf.

I know, sounds kinda lame, but I’m easily entertained.

Gifts! We can't leave those out.
I got a stove top grill in a box invention, which looks interesting, but you know those things never work out the way you want them to. A soup cook book, a stock pot, a candle and perfume.
I’ll admit I asked for the stockpot but it and the perfume were the most thoughtful gifts.

you only remind me of what I've missed, but from here I can see everything

In less than a year I have to make changes for my health, in less than 4 months I'll be married, in less than 2 weeks I’ll be driving for 10 hours and spending time with 8 in laws, in less than a week I'll be 5 years older than my mom was when she had her first kid, in less than a day I'll (hopefully) be in giggly possession of a (ridiculously, if your over 30, hard to find) substance.
Funny how in times of stress I tend to revert to old behavior, usually only to wake up the next day thinking Well, why didn't I do that sooner. Because for a few hours I get to be calm and irresponsible. The brain stops weaving it's little traps, making its little lists, running over details, ironing and pressing responsibilities, nit-picking at career, dusting old issues, stirring the pot.
Oh, it's on. It’s always on.
Read a book: Hmmm, that’s familiar behavior from the protagonist, or Ohhh, look I'm learning something, now apply that to your life, common get moving. Play with the dog: Why is my posture so bad, how much time will I have to make dinner, how do you make layers in a website. Cook: Well that needs to be cleaned; maybe this is why my mother was so crazy. Take a bath: I wonder if this is kind of what schizophrenics deal with. Shut-up, shut-up, SHUT-UP! At least it’s mostly in my own voice.
I don’t even get much of a break from it when I sleep. I have vivid dreams. Sometimes I control them, sometimes I “observe” and analyze pausing and rewinding holding class in my head even if I am a character in the dream.

R and I need a vacation. First it was the hunting and mortgage and move, then it was the family and wedding and location, and there is always job and visitors (bio-burlesq and 3am trips to the southside) and accidents. But that's a whole other story
No wonder we keep thinking Amsterdam.

Proving, everyday, I'm still cool

I'm so removed from the music scene these days I've almost become that old fogy.
WHATS that NOISE
trust me it was NOT the Beastie Boys.
But every so often I completely accidentally expose myself to music I don't already know.

So I want to let you know about Lily Allen. I know YOU already knew about her because she has been tearing up the internet, that and you didn't decide to live under a rock. Still I'm not too far behind (which will amaze us both) considering her single "Smile" reached #1 on the UK singles charts just last July. From the UK to America and under a rock in less time than it takes hatch a human... I'd say I'm keeping AMAZING tabs on culture.


Lily Allen covers The Kooks "Naive"

"Life is no way to treat an animal."

American novelist Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., has died at age 84.
Not from smoking (self-described "slow but sure suicide") but from suffering brain injuries following a fall weeks ago.



I should finish A Man Without a Country

Just a Taste

Almost everyone I have spoken to about planning a wedding is all like "Oooo how FUN!"
At first I could dismiss it: "but your male, or unmarried, or it happened so long ago you can't really remember... can you?"
But now these younger married people are chiming in and all I could do was put on my duh face as MY reality and THEIR reality tore at each other between my ears. Careful not to slip on the puddle that was my brain

Then last night we did our food tasting for the reception. There was no stress. The Chef made us extra things he thought we might like based on what we had chosen. The waiters brought us complimentary drinks. The planner met briefly and made extra accommodations for our reception. Then the Chef brought us stuff he had made for this other wedding (there was another couple somewhere in the restaurant for a tasting).

Maybe if we had been more into shopping: spaces, foods, pastries, clothes, jewelry and whatever all else. Maybe it would have been all kinds of fun.

The tasting was all sooooo good. I felt Sooooo pampered. Maybe I understand what they are all fussing about.
I know this was just a taste but I'm not sure my special, special day will be able to compete now.
It may be as tasty, but I doubt it will be stress free.