Wedding day

August 8
Surface of the Sun

Ramrod shows up to my parent’s house to do momma’s, sister’s, and my hair. Horrified as my mom, unable to remove herself from all conversations, reenters the living room to shave her legs, can’t work the razor, cant see the hairs due to lighting… and then my sister has to shave her legs for her.

We 3 girls go over to the house where the wedding will take place. Step mom needs our help, but not really, she just wants attention and we really need to get dressed. “Photos at 4 you know” and she freaks out, panic in her eyes. OMG why so early (a whole 2 hours). I remind her this was planned out when the photographer came over to view the space and discuss what we wanted weeks ago. She asks our opinion on which dress to wear and, in universal agreement, we give it. (later we will see her in the one we didn’t pick).

R’s brother continues to teasingly tell me he’s going to put “I am probably in a unique position, possibly being the only one here tonight who has been in a bathtub with both the Bride and Groom”. (uh, keep up people. He and I use to date).

I take Ramrod on a tour of the house. The old doctors office turned apartments, and back to original turn-o-the century household glory. My first apartment and where we had our high school graduation party. At 17 who could resist the reception desk in the living room, the haunted dirt basement, and the lure of a locked… “Drug closet”. Needless to say I picked that lock quickly after being told what it was and we had wondrous and dangerous times in college (how many decades before drugs mutate?). It’s now a pantry, and “No Ramrod, you are not allowed to even MENTION it to anyone”

The signs to be put up say “The {R’s last name} wedding →” And Ramrod jokingly asks how many other weddings there are going to be in the backyard (more defensive insanity ensues).

Step mom tells soon-to-be sister in law that the other mothers are “dressed so old” (in their dresses and jackets) and perhaps she is “overdressed” (in her silk sarong-ish skirt and tee-top). Ramrod pipes up “I NEVER feel over dressed” and informs me the love affair must be over after the look she got for that comment.

Pictures outside… on the surface of the sun. Mmmm, is that bride sweat your wearing? Why, yes it is!

I am forced to “hide” upstairs the ‘ol jack-in-the box “Surprise a BRIDE” while the guests gather and have fun.

The unrehearsed procession* ends with us standing off the flagstone in the grass. I spend the entire time standing on tip-toes because if my heals sink in I’m convinced I’ll turn too fast and trip myself. The 5 minute ceremony takes a little longer. I thought it was just I do and I do and out. Nope apparently there is this whole “repeat after me” part. Soon, R’s chin is a quiver and his eyes are welling and he will not stop this rhythmic rubbing of the back of my hands with his thumbs. I am overcome by how much this moment has moved him and I begin to see blurry. What, am I gonna pass out? Blink, blink, nope just got a little emotion in my eye. By now my legs are shaking from standing on tip-toes and with my own quivery voice I repeat and woosh, we practically skip back down the isle.

*my parents walked me down and between telling my blind father to “step up” and chiding my mother about something there is not one picture where I am not sneering going down the isle.

Step mom follows us inside demanding we return for the Champaign toast. I insist we deal with the legality of ACTUALLY making this thing legal first.

R’s brother DOES use the phrase “I am probably in a unique position, possibly being the only one here tonight who has…” and the pictures of my face are priceless.

We make the rounds, don’t eat, don’t get drunk. And linger apparently too long with 5 friends as by 10pm Step mom has changed into her jammies and is sitting on the stoop glaring at us.

Depart. Stop at Wal-marts for some booze and check into our swan-ky hotel room.

~~~~
The morning after, brunch.

Really only 2 things to report. I guess I told Ramrod an hour later than the brunch was and my mother throws a SCREAMING fit, twice, and I literally have to take her out to her car for a time out. How embarrassing.

~~~~~~

Stay tuned for the reception...

A weeks worth

First of all I’d like to tell EVERYONE. A week of craziness can be avoided by NOT having a 4 day 2 city wedding event.

We came into town 2 days early to make sure everything was smooth. Not that we exactly had control of anything but since the cell phones wouldn’t stop ringing, it was just easier. Thank God for Ramrod (my BFF and matron of honor). We hid out at her parent’s house for the first day swimming in the pool and relating already passed crazy stories. R being unemployed, his stepmother needing many, many questions answers tho’ the answers were not important enough to use. My mother feeling left out but helpless when given a task, changing arrangements made for my dog, and worrying my sister (sewing my dress) and me about what SHE was to wear*. But everything was coming together. I had found shoes and covered the hideous decoration on them with bows I made from fabric and lace scraps from my eventual dress. Ramrod put on her wedding dress (4 years and she can still zip it all the way up… till her bosom VaVoom!) and played with my hair still intent on convincing me I needed to borrow her tiara. And at the end of the night (2am) R and I were upgraded from our usual air mattress in the basement to the twin beds in an upstairs bedroom. WOW!
The next morning Ramrod and I had to go to “wal-marts” We needed curlers for the 3 feet of my hair she would have to roll up. I HATE shopping. We didn’t find them and the only redeeming moment was when the hideous old bat, wearing what I believe to have been a rabid squirrel on her head, did a double take and turned to stare at Ramrods pink hair. “Can I help you?” the batlike woman and her squirrel both blinked never moving her eyes away “Yeah, what? She’s still here. Pink Hair, not a pink elephant” I shouted at the lady. I wouldn’t really blame her (pink hair on a tall woman wearing a 40’s style dress including crinoline) yes it is an odd thing in the Midwest but a nice oddity, no need to glare. It’s not a squirrel-wear’n dressing-gown-optioned liquid-breakfast batlike oddity (oh, wait that’s not an oddity).
Then on to my house where chores await. Yes people, chores the day before my wedding. Whenever I go to my parents house there are chores, because I don’t live there they do tend to stack up. I was lucky. While I was there R has to deal with his (growing crazier by the moment) step mom. Everything he did was wrong. I joined him there later where I patted her over worked and needing to be martyred hand while she went over every detail of what she had to do, was doing and had to redo behind people. I wisely refused to give my opinion on anything except to tell her how much I appreciated everything, and how amazing she was. She did manage to tell me (for the 50th time) she didn't want to go over to R's mom's house for the rehersal dinner or brunch the morning after... She'd see, but she'd have so much to do and she didn't want to feel uncomfortable. Since R’s mom didn’t really want her there. Never mind the fact that everyone involved invited her. And she wasn’t sure R wanted her there. Our “Campaign against exploding heads” had turned to bite R on the ass. She took it to mean he was afraid “someone” would make a scene, even tho’ we both explained the Campaign against exploding heads was for us as much as anyone and involved the amount of stress people put on themselves. I can see why she might take it that way tho’ since at R’s brothers rehearsal dinner she had accused her husband and his ex of flirting, and dragged him off very early. I warned R and he appealed to her again to come. So anyway off we went to the rehearsal dinner, which did not follow a rehearsal, at R’s mom’s where I relaxed for a few minutes before everyone got there. The dinner was mostly uneventful although step-mom requested a strong drink immediately upon arrival and looked suspicious and nervous when R’s parents, divorced over a decade ago, disappeared to talk. What ever could they have to talk about? Their son would be getting married in the morning.


*WHY oh WHY did everyone keep calling me asking what to wear? I make the exception for my soon to be sister-in-law who wisely asked if the best man should wear (purchase) a suit.

Ugh, I hate recounting stories. I can't tell a story to save my life and invariably bore myself before I've recounted them once.
I think I'll just hit the highlights...

Speachifying

I’ve known Perdita for about fifteen years now, which if you listen to her is just over half of her life. I’ve known R slightly longer. In fact, I’ve known R as long as anyone, except mom, who holds that nine month lead over our heads. But knowing the two of them as well as I do, I don’t know if I ever expected to be here today.
I am probably in a unique position, possibly being the only one here tonight who has heard the invective from both R and Perdita concerning the institution of marriage. For Perdita it was always masked in a careful air of indifference the impression given that if you wanted to get married it was your funeral. R on the other hand, entertained us for hours with colorful drunken lectures railing against women, marriage, and relationships in general.
This may explain why they were so cagy about their relationship. As recently as just about 5 years ago, at Jill’s wedding in Minnesota R and Perdita were the only ones in attendance who were not convinced that they were dating. I don’t believe they actually confirmed their relationship till they moved in together, at which point I guess they reasoned the rest of us would figure it out.
Back when everyone suspected that they were dating, I was constantly asked how I felt about it. Perdita and I had been in a relationship for several years, and even though it was a long time ago, people felt that it was strange that she was now dating my brother. If that does seem strange to you, consider the fact that while Perdita and I were dating, Perdita went to a couple of parties at R’s fraternity house and was introduced as R’s sister. The strange looks I got when I showed up later as R’s brother and Perdita’s boyfriend are going to be nothing compared to what you two will get if you run into any of those guys now.
I’ve always considered my little brother to be one of my best friends. It seems like only yesterday that we sat up until dawn, drinking beer and playing video games. In fact, it was just yesterday, but that’s beside the point. The point is that for thirty-three years he has always been beside me, and I’ve always been grateful for it.
Maybe it was because we were both stubborn as mules, or maybe it was because your first true love affair is not something you lightly cast aside, but Perdita and I managed to stay friends after we broke up. I didn’t realize at the time what a rare and special thing that was, but through the years I came to appreciate it more and more.
So when people asked me if it was strange for me that they were dating, I could honestly say it wasn’t. Two of the people I care most about in this world were able to find each other and are able to make each other happy – That’s not strange, its fantastic.
That they were both able to overcome their ingrained prejudice about marriage, that we are all here today to witness this, now that is wondrous strange. It fills me with a sense of wonder and happiness to see the two of you sitting before us today, happy together.
So R and Perdita, I raise my glass to you, with the wishes that you will keep us all guessing for another thirty odd years.

~PB





You know the hardest thing about giving this toast is how do you sum up 20 years of friendship in 2 -3 minutes of heartfelt, interesting and amusing words. I guess you start at the beginning.
The first time I met Perdita, I had just transferred to a new high school because the kids at the Catholic school thought I was weird. The first day of school a young lady sitting behind me started making fun of me for wearing sox with sandals. Perdita –who I’d never met before- threatened to kick her ass if she didn’t leave me alone. Now, hindsight being 20/20, the girl was absolutely correct in making fun of me, but that’s bedside the point.
I feel like Perdita threatened to kick a lot of ass when we were younger… I did too, but no one ever took me seriously. You see Perdita was the toughest girl I knew- incredibly thoughtful sweet and loyal on the inside but that was only something she showed to her closest of friends and I considered myself lucky to be included in that very small group. On the outside she wore this very tough exterior that she painstakingly built, weathering the hardships of high-school, a slew of bad break-ups (one of them being with R’s brother), moving away, coming back…
Then she met R. Well actually she’d known R forever but they finally admitted they were a couple and something changed. All the sudden that sweet loving beautiful girl that she kept hidden from everyone else – started coming around more often. That “very tough” exterior started to slip away. Maybe she didn’t threaten to kick as much ass, or maybe she did, but that’s beside the point. All of the sudden there was a kinder gentler Perdita. A kinder gentler Perdita very much in love with R. So I want to thank R for coaxing out this beautiful creature that I knew was there all along. I knew that she had finally –not met, per se- her other half, but recognized he was there all along.
Perdita and I have been through a lot together… Some good some bad, but all worth it. She’s that friend that when I’m thinking about her, or when I’m going through a particularly rough patch of life she somehow ALWAYS calls me, or shows up on my front door despite, the miles between us. I know deep in my heart that she’ll always be there and I hope that I have been as amazing a friend to her as she has been to me.
And R? R is a superhero plain and simple. As you all know he’s just disgustingly nice. I’m glad to share in the celebration of their new life together.
And I’d like to take this opportunity to warn R that if he screws this up, I’ll kick his ass…

So to R and Perdita…

~SEPE (aka Ramrod)

Wedding gifts

We’ll talk about the wedding in a bit, but that’s too much writing when unburying your desk from 2 weeks missed work.

We didn't register for anything which I have to say is a much better idea (when you move 2 households and are old enough to already have inherited 2 sets of china and all the trimmings) than running around a store with a pricing gun (which all of our married friends said was so much fun) aiming at each others heads and registering for a cheese maker or bidet cover.
The result was many unusual heartfelt gifts (how do you ask for those), money (never inappropriate), and some WTF gifts.
Our favorite by far was a set of 8* wine glasses given to us by friends of R's family.
It was the last gift we opened and MAN were we glad because nothing could have been better!


I'm drinking a glass of WHAT here?

* It is now a set of 6, we gave 2 to a couple of big gay friends who passed from a look of horror to a squeal of delight in nanoseconds.





Frightening website

I wouldn't dare title this: "The last issue"

Time line, catering and cost.
The three final things you need to know about a reception.

Well, they got one out of three right.
I spent today (count down to wedded bliss, 5 days) trying to get the final papers from the Events Coordinator. I called 3 days ago with the final head count (whatever, I sent her a random number) and asked for the final figures, timeline and menu. I emailed today as a reminder, and paper trail*, asking for the final info. It finally came, I looked at it and the menu is perfect. I have such good taste.
But the time line seems to start an hour later than the invitations I sent out stated. I froze up for a moment, opened the desk drawer looking for a “save the date” saw it said the time I thought it was Supposed to be, called R to make sure I wasn’t crazy and emailed back to the Events Coordinator.

“I will amend the start time on the time line. Just wanted to check, since the bar package is for three hours what time would you like to open the bar?.”

Okay, deep breath. I am freaking out. Why am I freaking out? It’s not a… It’s a HUGE deal! Almost like thinking you wont have a dress**. Okay but really would I be freaking out like this for one of the thousands of other events I have done came back with time and cost issues? Yes.
And what I usually do in these situations is call and threaten and yell. I better call R to do this. He’s busy with his fun “Last Day” . When I called I had to track him down on his cell phone. Bebopping as usual. Damn him, so unfair. But even with my exausted harrumphing at him, he solved it. That’s what he do. That’s why he’s mine. Mwahahaha!


*I’m big on paper trails
.
**It was really touch and go, and I will not get to really see it or try it on till the day before the wedding.

Best offer of a gift yet

i will be happy to help out in any way and to construct elaborate stories about your whereabouts!

Letters: the Mother of the Groom

Just wondered how you were doing as the 8th of August draws nearer! Hopefully things are relatively peaceful and under control! I'm sure you'll be glad to know that our new gutters and new driveway are in, so we are presentable once more!! Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you -- mom

I wake up ridiculously early like a kid waiting for Christmas but more panic and less glee. R and I are: losing things, forgetting things, and a third thing. We go to the store and can't remember why, we start conversations and trail off forgetting both nouns and verbs, last weekend we tried to go to the park and had to make 4 trips back inside. I'm not looking forward to packing up for the wedding considering this is how things are going.

But see you soon.
Mwah

ps. This marriage thing better take. I am NOT doing this again.
pps. Can someone iron R's shirts for wedding and reception? I believe Bill indicated his expertise in this area last time we were down. I haven't unpacked, hung, or had them laundered and it is silly to expect R will.

~p