Wheew....Thank God!

According to research I no longer have to try. So I give up. They have proven, once again, that men are smarter. Study showed that, up to the age of 14, there was no difference between the IQs of boys and girls. After that they found a widening gap between the sexes. I think it must have something to do with having to work around breasts or being forced to give blood once a month. Who wouldn't be a little distracted. So they go on about how men achieve more distinctions and just as I'm about to rant that it's a mans world and go off about the ol' boys network and how I only make 70 cents on the "MAN'S" dollar when the study continued to backhand me with a compliment. "The paper will argue that there is evidence that at the same level of IQ, women are able to achieve more than men "possibly because they are more conscientious and better adapted to sustained periods of hard work". Gosh were dumb but we sure are cute with our plucky, dogged determination.
Hee, hee, they think I'm cute.
Well who cares anyway? I mean really. Since society seems to be unable to fix the equal pay for equal work and feminism (tho' having killed off chivalry quite admirably) doesn’t seem to have quite done away with the 'ol boys network, let's use this to our advantage. So don't give us equal pay for equal work. Give us higher pay for less. We are a minority and not all that bright, that should be worth a couple subsidies. Right?

Puppy love

"They" say love is blind. The patron Saint of love is also that of the blind. St. Raphael is the Patron Saint of the blind, lovers and travelers. He is also an Archangel. Or is he, I mean can you keep Archangel status and be a Saint?
Whatever. There is all manner of love but today it's all about the dog. That is not so hard to understand. Dogs are so loyal and faithful and everything we really want in lovers...Well almost. Very few are THAT much of a Petophile that your lover being human is optional.

Greyfriar's Bobby is an amazing story that begins with an Edinburgh policeman during the 1850s. He only became a police man because there was no gardening work and joined the force with the condition he had a Watch Dog. His companion and police watch-dog was a Skye Terrier named Bobby.
When Grey died on the 15th February 1858 Bobby followed the funeral procession and remained at Gray's grave for the rest of his life...a total of 14 years.

Puppy love is a term used to describe the beginning of love in young people, especially between two children. Puppy love gets its name from the idea that it resembles the warm, heartening feelings that are supposed to be felt with and shown to a puppy. So in honor of puppy love often being short lived and often unrequited turning youth into Goth, here is a story that will stab you in the wolfhound.

Speaking of Doggie. Fun Fact: A tattoo on the lower back, when worn by young women, is occasionally called a "tramp stamp", "California license plate" or "ass antlers" in American slang indicating her proclivity to a certain sexual position.

Soldiers are discharged. People in the workplace are fired. Servants are let go. Terminal relationships are terminated.

Of all these euphemisms Really only one does the job. I mean since a euphemism is an expression intended to be less offensive, disturbing, or troubling to the recipient than the word or phrase it replaces.
“Discharge” is never good. I’m not even willing to go into that…ewwwe
“Fired” only has one meaning, one connotation; much like discharge, it isn’t all that pleasant. “Terminated”? Wait that’s not even a euphemism. Maybe they aren’t euphemisms. I can’t be sure. I know “let go” must be. It does the euphemistic job. Of all of those “let go” sounds the least troubling. It's almost passive. I was holding on to you, but then I let go. Okay maybe it was at the mouth of a bottomless cavern but it still sounds nicer, less invasive I guess. It's also the only euphemism used for death that seems to find a use outside the macabre arena. Yes I think that qualifies it as a euphemism.

Now if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go install the Kevorkian Plug-n-Play to my work so I can go home

Friday?

Finnish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Methinks I might have taken that too much to heart.

Where has the week gone and what do I have to show for it? Remember when an hour was a day and a day was a week and a week was, well, a *longer week? How many things did I accomplish in those days. How many Tuesdays dragged on for several days before it was Wednesday. How long it was, every Monday, till the weekend.
The good news is the dread is gone, the week flows smoothly by. One hour at a time (maintaining the standard 60 min. length), one day remaining one day and each staying in their consecutive places. Month after month after boring month. What went wrong. When did I become so old that time never stops anymore?
When did I quit having fun. When did the days become a way of ticking off time on the vine? And why do I use that phrase when it makes me thing of the O. Henry story, The Last Leaf. What am I waiting for? Am I waiting? I don't have the impatient anxiety of someone waiting. There is no anticipation, there is no dread. Is this the feeling that brings about those midlife crises. Do midlifers do it just to make something happen. If this is it, man am I gonna have a short life span. This rumination is not tinged with depression, but with realization. I'm even so stoic that all I can emotionally muster for this discovery is a "Hmmm"

*I have lost all of my mellifluous writing.

Signs and wonders

Lets start with the obvious...


Those newspaper men must have written in fir help

or maybe they were just pronouncing the obvious and making the interesting subtle
like this

But I prefer those who are honest from experience

However puns and irony are good too

But mean and confusing is just, well, mean and confusing

Another rejection letter

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle.
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed, to see such a sight.
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

The reviewers felt that not enough data was presented to support your claims. For example - how many times did your group observe the cow jumping over the moon? From the text and supporting figures, it would appear that you base this conclusion on one data point as no calculations regarding standard deviations were presented. As an analytical journal of high repute, the reviewers felt that this is simply not acceptable. In addition, several of the reviewers felt that the word ‘diddle’ was inappropriate, and should have been replaced by the more scientifically correct, ‘Hey fornicate fornicate.” Because of these, and other problems, we are sorry to inform you that your manuscript has not been accepted for publication. -David Ng

From Ice age to the 21st century in one weekend

(Or how "The Man" always gets his way)

Contrary to popular belief (of those who know me in the avatar-less world) I am not a luddite. Nor am I a neo-luddite. I am not anti-technology. It's not that I don't believe in technology. I programmed back when it was "basic", back when the computer always came up as the dos prompt. I've posted entries from the PC, the Mac Mini and the laptop. I am not opposed to “progress” in particular or in general. I can’t even be called old fashioned. Any old rancher could tell you “your only worth what you owe”. Unless someone was willing to extend you credit (on capitol, your good name, or your reputation) you weren’t worth much. It’s true today too. Unless you’ve had debt you have no credit rating…and in our society that means you don’t exist. Which was fine with me for a long time. If I couldn’t afford it I didn’t need it. That was that. I even bought my car for cash. Never had debt, never had a credit card. As I became older, and our society became more paranoid , I became more paranoid. And it became less about what was right (spending only what I had) and more about personal control*. I did NOT need society’s formula for life. I didn’t need a pager or a cell phone. I don’t WANT to be interrupted by a phone. If I was expecting a call or wanted to make one (I know this is odd, but) I would be by a phone. Besides I don’t want to be found just anywhere by just anyone.

*Years ago I use to pull the Security thread: vertical strip the plastic that’s embedded in the paper spelling out the denomination in tiny print. I didn’t want the government knowing where I spent my money. If I wanted to be on your radar I’d have a credit card.

I believe you only need so much. Upgrade because you need it, not for the flash. My car is still the 91 Escort. And I guess it would have made sense to have a credit card and cell phone when I was using that old car for work. But now that I no longer travel for a living, I don't even drive anymore, and NOW I have a cell phone?
R wanted me to have one. Mostly because, I think, we are (eventually) going to ditch the landline. But I still resisted. I wanted a camera. I wanted something small that I could take with me so I could take pictures of the random crazy stuff I see everyday. I wanted it for you dear reader. Anyway he said a phone will do that. I said it wouldn't be good enough. Boy was I wrong. They had me at "It's a camera". So it makes and receives phone calls too...So? So it emails and web browses...So? Alright so I got a camera. And that is what I'll call it. I didn't give in, I didn't!
Now if I could just figure out a way to rename this credit card I just broke down and got.

I wake up. I will not sleep anymore tonight.

It was that damn country rd. and bridge rd that freaks me out. The one I have driven too fast or plunged off several times in dreams. The bridge is up a hill and on the side there is a dirt rd. that turns off of it to parallel it on a hillside, past the white house (that’s how I know that it is the same dirt rd. In the country all rd.s look the same, but each white farm house had different trees etc.). In dreams I have, driven or slid and ramped, fallen off both. Tonight, for the first time, the bridge was barricaded and the workers flagged me down, I was able to slow down, stop and go back. I did not careen off the dirt road either.

The family was visiting relatives My uncle, I think, was dead. His youngest son, the only cousin I would say I ever had a relationship with, was there…somewhere with me. I remember there being an old green bottle in my hands, thick and heavy shaped like a liquor bottle, I remember I seemed to have seen something in it, and in my head (like a thing possessed) I heard “I will be with you tomorrow”. I told my cousin because I thought it was his dad… Spooky enough.
Then there was some other stuff, like night curling up in the not-as-expansive-as-it-was-when-we-were-little back seat of the car (the Grand Marquis station wagon from my childhood) with my sister and we were wrapping ourselves in blankets to stay warm.
Then I’m alone, and there is the bottle in my hands again and there is a pinch on my thumb, and the pin prick of blood that forms as a half pearl on my thumb print some how binds me to the bottle, and I am drawn inside, I think of the ghostly words I passed on to my cousin “I will be with you tomorrow”, I panic that maybe they weren’t meant for him, and from the 3rd person eyes (or perhaps my own before I am sucked in) I see my hands inside, seemingly disembodied, pressed against the thick deep green glass…

Living in Sin

And the times they are a chang'en
For the first time ever I am among a majority. I am one of Fifty-five percent, or 57.7 million of the 105 million U.S. households*
For the first time, single adults outnumber couples with children.
Yup. It's true and we are spreading our agenda like germ warfare. Living in sin, not breeding, and spending our disposable income like we are gay!
We see mothers and fathers propagating the species with their little attempts at immortality and think: being able to go out at a moments notice, stay out late (because there is no baby sitter to be considered), take a spontaneous trip, buy that ridiculous gadget we don't really need, leave the breakables anywhere we please AND keep the bar fully stocked and unlocked (for our WHOLE lives), well it's not a bad way to live.
I believe you (they, whom ever is fighting about it at the moment) should protect the institution of marriage. I wish the same sex partners had gone after couples rights. For Me if no one else. There are clergy who are willing to go to jail for [same sex partners] rights to marry but nobody is fighting for my right NOT to get married. I just wanna shack up for the rest of my life with all the same perquisites. If I could prove it was a religious thing you’d have to honor my right. But I can’t and its not its one of those “lifestyle choices” that get everybody and their preacher up in arms.
Doesn’t waking up everyday and choosing to stay with someone mean anything anymore? Why should I have to have a piece of paper? As proof? As a deterrent? Yeah, so binding that the divorce rate steadily increases. We use to have such a thing as common law. Now this state doesn't even have that. Why cant a couple have the insurance and the privileges, and the debt and the whole 9 yards?**

So if the crispies have it their way the homosexuals, elderly, infertile and, well, people like me CANT marry because we wont produce offspring.

And if the Gay (marriage) rights have it their way I HAVE to get married.

Just when they were making such progress for me.

Well I'm part of a majority now buddy so mark my words, somethings gonna give.

* oh, and by the way that # for people with children includes married AND unmarried couples with children making up 31.3% of households

** and before you say it. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a Palimony law in this state. And legal minds are of the opinion there is “... no indication of any forthcoming legislation in this area.”

Healthy part II

Well, my BP is good and I quote "It really couldn't be any better"
Yippie. I can have salt!!!

He agreed that I am in good health (from what I told him) but I did lie a little about alcohol consumption.
Blood work will be back fri, but he'll be out so am to call monday.
I am so gonna live it up this weekend.

He seems like a good Dr. Of course he gave me a minor reprimand for the smoking thing (but gently like R's Dr. dad does)
He asked if I had thought about quitting I said I thought I was going to when I was 30, he asked what happened..
"Why, doctor. Don't you know a woman is never over 29?"
He got a giggle.
He offered a treatment for smoking. A combo of a pill and a nicotine "something" for withdrawal. We got to talking and I asked about this pill, I was right it was an antidepressant. I told him I thought so because when I took Xanax I didn't smoke much. He asked if I wanted some xanax.
I like this guy.

Then he told me to take off my clothes. Why do guys always have to spoil everything?
At least he left the room.

Healthy?

Well I don't know yet.
For almost all of my life (exclude the past 3 years) I have eaten VERY well and gotten plenty of exercise.
But I have smoked for 15 years and drink*, probably not what they would call moderately.
I have not been to a doctor in.... lets say, over a decade but under 2. I do not like doctors and they are expensive.
3 weeks ago hypochondriac-R went in because he had the plague and came back with severe allergies. While he was there R (who is younger than I am) got a panel done and his liver, kidney, blood pressure were fine but his cholesterol was high (HIGH). So I decided I should go to. I have insurance. So my date with the white coated minister-of-bad-news and evil-intent is tomorrow. Sunday I decided to quit drinking; you know let the body have a few days off.
Apparently the exchange for this was to begin eating and smoking like an ex-junky. Is it sweet? I’ll eat it. Oh my god I don’t have a lit cigarette, I’d better smoke another. Now, at night, after I get home, when I usually would have a lovely Woodford reserve on the rocks, now instead I have a headache.

Please don’t bother to tell me it is withdrawal. I thought about that too but I haven’t had any psychological symptoms so I doubt it. And don’t tell me I’m poisoning myself with nicotine and sugar because I would wake up with that headache too. I bet tomorrow that Dr. tells me I have allergies…and poor kidney and liver function, high blood pressure…but I bet my cholesterol is fine.


*Doctors need not comment, I have had constant lectures from doctors and (somewhat) loved ones for at least the past 10 years.

Slip and bra

I'm standing in the kitchen cooking, in my slip and bra. Not conventional attire for me but here I am anyway. I don't usually do my household chores dressed like this. But today I came home and shed the dress and left the rest, not bothering to finish. I’m never like this. I’m either naked or dressed, yet here I am stuck in the process of change. This thought gives me pause. Looking down I see the beginning of the midlife bulge just below the surface of the silky material. Slips use to be something of a confinement, a chore I didn't always compete before going to church and was scolded as a result of. Now that I've gotten older I wear one whether or not I need it. The dress can be long and heavy and it seems the slinky little thing finds it way on before I dress. Though I don't even see them as slinky anymore. Just another change. I remember sometimes my mother would be dressed like this. I remember there being a sense of anticipation from her half dressed state. In the process of change, before an event of some sort. Her slip and bra: putting on makeup. Her slip and bra: doing her hair. Her slip and bra: waiting for her 2 tomboy girls to get ready for something. Her slip and bra: playing solitaire as she boiled mad because we weren’t going somewhere with us acting like this. Her slip and bra: waiting for a change. Sometimes she would do as I have done. After taking off her nice clothes she would wait a while, usually in the summer, cooling off before she dressed in her casual clothes.
Stop typing, return to stir the sauce I’m making “fresh from my garden”.
This action in this costume feels so domestic. And I guess I should be getting domestic. I am the age my mother was when she had me. Married, 2 kids, home maker providing for her family from 2 gardens an apple tree and a grape arbor. Making contributions to society in natural ways before it was cool or p.c. to do.
I think all this and take a break from stirring and slicing to turn to the WI-FI laptop in the kitchen. Domestication is a costume that gives me pause to see me in it. It’s just in the process of change. It’s just my slip and bra.

Speaking of...

GIR

Anyone who was a fan of Invader Zim will be pleased to know there is a game out on the market called "Destroy all Humans" It has shorter than average play time but the voice of the leader "who COMMANDS you" is none other than Zim. That alone would be worth it...but being an alien that sounds slightly like Jack Nicholson and popping brains out of heads is a nice touch too.


Not familiar with Invader Zim? Shame on you!
Rent it Immediately.
Puney earthlings

Hey look I'm a drink

If I were a drink what kind of drink would I be?
What kind of question is that. Is this some High School game? Is this the best line for meeting strange women you have?
Well since you asked.
High end whiskey on the rocks. Commonly exotic, Amber, slightly smoky, and strong...trying to hide behind transparent cubes

And don't forget to read this guy
I'm too busy actually working today

Confession

I talk to strangers.

NOOOO, not YOU!

Hey just because I have an open forum of words (alright BLOG) doesn’t mean anything. Lots of people like it here because of the anonymity, saying and being whomever they want and even partake in the mob mentality if the desire overcomes them. Some see it as daily notes to friends and almost strangers. I don’t know how I see it. I see it as the freezer. Something with extra space I can shove stuff into and keep it fresh for later. Although I have gone back and found some very un-fresh drafts and some dried out posts.

But in the real world I do talk to strangers. I guess I have that face, that helpful face of someone who might know where you are going. For the most part I don’t ignore people. Sure there are some to avoid. But there is no reason to treat people like they don’t exist, like they are fixtures to be maneuvered around or something. and so because of the common courtesy I extend to people I do get some perquisites. For instance today…I am the reason you were late for work. It’s true it was me. I’m the one the bus driver was waiting for. I’m not there everyday. Sometimes I take an earlier bus. But 3 days ago I was almost to the stop and he took off so I had to run after him. This driver and I speak every time I’m on his bus. No one else does and we’re all regulars. So today when I was 2 blocks away and he started off I just kept walking, no sense in hurrying now. He stopped, but I just kept walking. Either I’d make it before the light turned green or I wouldn’t. I got closer and realized he wasn’t even at the corner. He had stopped ½ way down the block. So I hustled. I got on the loaded bus and he tells me he thought about me and looked back because he knew he better not leave me. Anyway he saw me and waited for me. I don’t think the people on the bus were any too happy and so I’m sorry I was the reason you were late for work.
But you could be the reason I’m late just as easily if you were a little more human and treated people less like furniture.

DashPoetry Mocks Me

The slightest writing waited watching from the past with wild youth
Age is the poison of my mind and the stopper in the top
Bottling the flow with trivialities and meaninglessness
So this is what they called “life” and “all grown up”
Was this the goal all along?

To have no time or substance for finding the new words hiding
To become consumed with survival
Selling yourself for the almighty dollar
No longer seeking beauty or printing pain
Letting routine or contentment distract you from You

It’s all this, and the proof is when you hastily scrawl something down
And it is as lifeless and shallow as an oyster

Why does this keep coming up?

It's not like I actually believe in the things or anything. But R and I have discussed throughly what we would do and where we would go incase of a Zombie attack.
And I still only got a 73?
Obviously there is some flaw in my plan

Official Survivor
Congratulations! You scored 73%! Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 48% on survivalpoints The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test

Upon taking it again I was able to score a 89% with a 83% higher than my gender/age average.
I did this by using a bitten friend as bate and strapping explosives to them.
Poor Sue.

iamfuckingterrified

I verb the noun in your preposition

I verb it when noun
Prepositions me to verb
And I have 4 years

Now is the time on sprockets when we dance

Alright, alright I'll get off my soap box.
I guess, it's possible, I might have been a little too serious for a while.

"Novak is clearly proof that intelligent design is a failed concept

What intelligent maker would leave him with a workable mouth?"


In case you are wondering: What is Intelligent Design? I'll fill you in with as little misleading information as possible.
Ostensibly its main purpose is to investigate whether or not there is empirical evidence that life on Earth was designed by an intelligent agent or agents. Intelligent design advocate William Dembski in his book "The Design Inference" lists God or an alien life force as two possible options.

President Bush (bible thumper or alien minion) told reporters Monday that schools should teach the conservative Christian doctrine of intentional or divine creation, called "intelligent design," along with evolution. He refused to discuss his personal beliefs but said, "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought.
Gee, when I went to Christian school we called it “God’s Creation” not "intelligent design".
If the problem with evolution is that it can't be (well it hasn't has it?) proven without question, then how does replacing one flawed theory with another help matters? What? So you’re trying to make it palatable for the “non-believers”? Christians are going to annex another culture like they did with other pagans? Or didn’t you know easter, the yule log, the creation of all saints day

"Our strategy has been to change the subject a bit so that we can get the issue of intelligent design, which really means the reality of God, before the academic world and into the schools." Max Blumenthal, 2004 "Avenging angel of the religious right."
Huh, what do you know? I’m so smart.
Well, being open minded, I always thought everything that is not proven should be presented as theory, not fact.
The National Academy of Sciences has said, intelligent design "and other claims of supernatural intervention in the origin of life" are not science because their claims cannot be tested by experiment and propose no new hypotheses of their own, instead they find gaps within current evolutionary theory and fill them in with speculative beliefs.
Okay, maybe I’m not so smart. It can't be called a science.

Suppose for an instant that you could prove the intelligent design movement’s concept of “irreducible complexity”. The idea is that some organisms are so complex that all of their parts are essential and thus could not have evolved, because any missing part would mean the organism couldn’t survive. So if you could prove that, you still have another major scientific problem. You can’t prove the existence, origin, or methods of the designer. (Wheew thank the faithful skeptic for that one. Better than I could do)
So you can’t prove the existence, origin, or methods of the designer. Well but that would be right for Christians because “…faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” Hebrews 11:1

It's not science. It's not religion. I guess I can't explaine it. I can't even fill you in as I had hoped.

To me it looks like Christianity is either watering down their belief or looking for proof of God

PS. Christians....Either way God is sooo gonna kick your asses for this one.
Signs are for unbelievers and God hates the Luke warm Christian

Appearance Aristocracy

So it’s all about looks eh?
Of course it is. Just ask Darwin.
Only the wealthy can afford the time and money for personal upkeep. Plastic Surgery, botox, and the less extreme measures of the gym membership and a personal shopper.
Yes Americans are fatter. We have undergone a size inflation (or is it vanity sizing). I was shocked to learn, a few years (and pounds) ago, Gap makes a size 0. Women’s average size is now a 14. I can’t speak for men (not caring to do the research since when I tried “average men’s size” in google they wanted to tell me all about penis) but since I have watched all the men around me expanding, and the doctors now gauge your heart risks by your waist size, I’m gonna feel free to go with “it applies to you too buster”.
M & M's decided to expand your waistline too Yeah, yeah, yeah were all out of shape. Yet men still want the trophy wife.
Been there, done that.
Shut up Darwin. It has nothing to do with that. What? That thing without child bearing hips is gonna pop out a litter to immortalize you with. HA! Especially since we have proven that when a woman is “prime” she will quit looking for the rugged man and find the more effeminate features appealing. Take that Darwin.
“In one study,” according David M. Buss, the evolutionary psychologist who reported on the multi-generational study of mating preferences, “after groups of men looked at photographs of either highly attractive women or women of average attractiveness, they were asked to evaluate their commitment to their current romantic partner. Disturbingly, the men who had viewed pictures of attractive women thereafter judged their actual partners to be less attractive than did the men who had viewed analogous pictures of women who were average in attractiveness. Perhaps more important, the men who had viewed attractive women thereafter rated themselves as less committed, less satisfied, less serious, and less close to their actual partners.” In another study, men who viewed attractive nude centerfolds promptly rated themselves as less attracted to their own partners.
That’s it. BURN all the playboys. Oh, wait. That sounded feminist and I love Playboy’s taste in fiction writers.
Anyway it’s not really about the skin mag. It’s more about the perception of what others perceive as attractive. Even if a man doesn’t personally care much what a woman looks like, he knows that others do. Research suggests that being with an attractive woman raises a man’s status significantly. Well of course we do. Wait that sounded post feminist whatever who cares.

Economists Daniel S. Hamermesh, of the University of Texas, and Jeff E. Biddle, of Michigan State University, have produced a study suggesting that better-looking people make more money “plain people earn less than people of average looks, who earn less than the good-looking. The penalty for plainness is five to 10 percent, slightly larger than the premium for beauty.” Hamermesh and some Chinese researchers also looked into whether primping pays, based on a survey of Shanghai residents. They found that beauty raises women’s earnings (and, to a lesser extent, men’s), but that spending on clothing and cosmetics helps only a little. But that does not mean WEAR flipflops!!!! Maybe we could dress better. Maybe if we are so concerned with appearance we could quit buying into medical re-formation and just. Oh, I don’t know. Look better.
Instead we are a nation of fat, tube toped-wrinkled-distressed-tattered-flipflop wearing, hairplugged-fried-died and laid to the side looken motherfkrs. But damn that look of permanent surprise and poison packed expressionless face of yours looks great!

Oh yeah I got your "...absolute secrecy and personal courtesy" right here buddy

I got my first chance to make money, or rather one of the scam emails which I have heard so much about

Feel free to email this guy back. No really I insist.
"paul guei" paulguei3@myfamily.com

Dear Sir,

I apologize if the contents hereunder are contrary to your moral ethics, But please treat it with absolute secrecy and personal courtesy.
If my ethics were don't you think I'd try to figure out how to report it (if I thought it was real) as there would undoubtedly be a reward. Sure not as much, but totally legit.
I am Paul Guei an Auditor of a Bank here in the Benin Republic, in the the process of auditing our bank accounts I and one of my colleagues discovered that there is a dormant account Dormant account? Has it been over 50 years? valued at the sum $15,000,000.00 (Fifteen million united states Dollars) and after due verification of this account we discovered that the account owner died On the 25th of July 2000, the deceased, his wife and their two Children died in the Air France concord plane crash bound for New York in their plan for a world cruise. Below is the website you can check if need be.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
How handy for you, there were 3 families wiped out on that flight, you vulture

The idea of presenting somebody who is not related to our deceased customer to act as his next of kin came into our mind, Me too. Because no one would question the fake documents you will probably tell me I have to purchase that is how and why we have contacted you to present you as his next of kin , so that the $15,000.000.00 will be paid to you and we can both disburse the fund according to the percentage we will agree on. In view of this, I am seeking for your co-operation and understanding to stand as the next of kin to our deceased customer, to enable us claim the fund from my bank. Hence, If this proposal is OK by you and you do not wish to take undue advantage of my trust, in a total stranger...You bet I will. Sheesh there's one born every min. then I hope to bestow on you. Please kindly get back to me immediately, to enable me enlighten you on how we are to proceed. On getting your response, we shall agree on the percentage of disbursing the $15,000,000.00 between us, as we intend to invest part of our own share in real estate business in your country, and we would appreciate if you can put us in the right part investing in your country. Man did they think some real estate mogule was gonna get this and go, "What a deal! Free money and then profit from their share too!I will not contact any person or company until I hear from you, so as to enable me decide on what to do next.
Be rest assured is that be rested like RIP or is that like assured of arrest?
that this business is 100% risk free. We await for your prompt response.

Regards,

Paul Guei

NB: PLEASE NOTE THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU ARE NOT RELATED TO MY LATE CUSTOMER, THE FUND WILL STILL BE PAID TO YOU, SINCE WE ARE PRESENTING YOU AS HIS NEXT OF KIN.

I always knew I had a rich Uncle...what was his name again?
The Benin Republic Banks have been linked to these scams time and time again. You'd think they would open a new bank or at least pick a new country to abuse.
So lets learn a little about the Benin Republic
Gross National Product (GDP) US$ million : 2,401
Gross Domestic Product (GDP) per Capita $ : 380
National Currency : 1 CFA Franc = 100 Centimes
Okay that's enough. I just don't buy that it would take a dishonest auditor 5 years to notice 15 mil. with no activity. Granted it's off shore, and most of the banks are french or european, but I don't buy that every dead rich guy had his money there and if they did...maybe someone should start looking at the bank

NO WAY

That is impossible, and I have user testimony to the contrary

You Are 20% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

I found the old Duck and Cover (realplayer) movie for nuclear blasts
Duck and Cover (other accesses)

It reminded me of the 1960 H.G. Wells - The Time Machine

Future: Giant air raid siren blowing spikes pop up out of the temple an start making all kinds of racket. All the young people fall into a hypnotic trance and wander over to the temple in a mass group. There's a group who wander into the temple doors and then as the air raid sirens die out and pull back down into the temple, the doors close. And no one even realize anything is wrong. *Sounds of munching down below

Sheep to the slaughter man. Sheep to the slaughter.

Lesson of the day: Always remember to question tradition and understand ritual. otherwise you might be Morlock meat

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Or the study of man

This test thinks it might be best for me to avoid a career in law enforcement or I.T. recruitment.

Hey, Hamid, I have this problem with my computer. It won’t hook up to the main frame….what, what are you doing with that knife?....Ahhhhggg” *Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle

So I can’t pick ‘em. But who can. I mean really? Okay we all have some sort of instinct. Avoid the guy with the manic eyes. Don’t talk to the lady who is having a loud discussion with the lamp post. But what is that based on? Is it different for different cultures? Maybe that was one of the problems with the stigmata of degeneration and studies of Atavism. The attempt to identify physical characteristics common to criminals and labeled those he found as atavistic, ‘throwback’ traits that determined 'primitive' criminal behavior.

Italian prison physician Cesare Lombroso published Criminal Man (1876), a famous study that attributed criminal behavior to what he termed "atavism," an inherited condition that made offenders evolutionary throwbacks to more primitive humans (depicted in his popular 1879 movie “You’ve got Tail!”).
By conducting autopsies on 66 deceased criminals, and comparing 832 living prison inmates with 390 soldiers, (is he implying that soldiers are criminal…or insane?) Lombroso created a list of physical features that he believed were associated with criminal behavior. These "stigmata" included “…sloping foreheads, asymmetrical faces, large jaws, receding chins, abundant wrinkles, extra fingers, toes, and nipples, long arms, short legs, and excessive body hair.”
Common dude. Extra nipples? I mean I can see why additional appendages would make someone cranky (Yo 12 digit come here and count this dozen for me I think I’m getting ripped off) but a nipple? What were a lot of guys freaked out when they were checking him out in the steam room?
As for asymmetrical faces…better lock me up. I swear one eye is angled differently and slightly larger than the other. In fact no ones face is exactly asymmetrical. Well, okay almost no one.
I would think it was needless to say these theories were eventually debunked.
But Noooooo. They have come out with Digital Physiognomy Software.
They talk about this as some sort of fortune-telling but then go onto say "... most efforts to specify such relationships have been discredited. "
“The program does not forecast the future, but discovers how others really see you. It also allows you recognize and read personality traits of others, to identify your strongest character traits and to identify the character flaws of your opponent.”
Which one of those guys from the quiz developed this?

All I know is I’m going to start looking at peoples pictures when they post more closely, and in lieu of that those avatars are gonna get scrutinized. I wonder if there is a junk science for analyzing avatars.

Edited to add:
biologist Randy Thornhill and psychologist Steven W. Gangestad, both of the University of New Mexico, “In both sexes, relatively low asymmetry seems to be associated with increased genetic, physical, and mental health, including cognitive skill and IQ.